I find that most of us are typically awakened by an alarm clock each day and after a standard routine we dash off into our world. We may be in traffic every day or not. We May make phone calls on the way to work or not. If we are not working, we most likely have a destination. Or if you are a stay at home mom or dad, the activities surround you right where you are. Either way, I found myself getting caught up in the action of things much like being in a sling shot and fired off into the crowd and frenzy of our world. This process worked against me in many ways. First, I was reactive in nature and that is not a characteristics I aspired to. Second, I didn't take any time to set my mood and center myself on the man I want to be out there in the external world I was about to enter. One instance that arose gave light to this discovery which was when I darted off to work, started making phone calls on a very big business objective and when I didn't like what I heard I reacted with furious anger. The nano second that occurs between a situation and a reaction happens to be the most important element right after listening intently in any situation. I am dedicated to better managing this aspect of my personality and leadership. It is my objective to listen or observe intently and then take the necessary time to address the situation - not simply react. After the dust settled, I reflected on how I just reacted and became disappointed with myself. After I intellectually fist beat myself frontier style, I realized I had set myself up to fail. I didn't take the necessary time to center myself as I embarked upon my day. Now, I take five minutes on the way to work to get centered and review the man, the leader, the friend, the lover I want to be. I review the aspects that need special attention and in this case, "reacting" would have been addressed with a commitment to myself to NOT be so. I would have handled this particular situation in a fashion that would have made me proud had I centered myself.
When we go out into the world we represent EVERYTHING that we are, where we come from and what we aspire to. How we act, serve, engage and communicate with the closest people in our lives to the total strangers makes up what I refer to as our existence and consequently our legacy. How do you want to be remembered? Because EVERY interaction you have out there in the world is on the record and will serve to sum you up in the minds of others, I believe it should be handled with care and acute attention. Every conversation IS a public speech.
If you have goals and objectives that revolve around your character, your way of being, your leadership, your energy, etc., centering will certainly help you improve in that direction. Ultimately, with care and nurturing, your existence in the world will be reflected as a beautiful, powerful, attractive and fulfilling one that will make you proud and others proud of you.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Living with Finesse
FINESSE. It's not just a shampoo ;) I believe everyone should practice demonstrating finesse in their daily lives; every aspect of it. Think about it for a moment, everything you say to someone is considered a public display. Everything you do in terms of actions and acting is a public display. Everyone views public displays as truth. Kind of like, "well, he/she says that or writes about that, but CLEARLY demonstrates this". So, which will you believe about this person's character. "Do as I say not as I do" rings a bell here, but it is not directed at a child as it usually is, but in this instance, it's directed at you, me.
Communicating with some finesse, character, and style will make you a better person and make the interactions with you more pleasant for everyone else, if not inspirational and educational. Every person has the same amount of time in a day. We can spend those precious moments reacting haphazardly and without the contemplation of what you are about to say, how you will say it or what you will do and how you will do it. It's easier said than done for yours truly, and that's exactly the point. For some, finesse is present and has been for a while. While for others it is something that is being actively worked on and consistently developed. And there are the countless many that have not considered it at all or have ever been approached with the concept.
How can you apply finesse in your life? Start with listening intently and then thinking before
you speak. When you approach the clerk at your regular convenience store, start with a sincere smile, make eye contact and sincerely ask how their day is going. Then tell him you are there to rob him. Just kidding. Unfortunately most people will respond with some sort of a negative response and that's their bag. Not yours. They will however feel different from the way you treated them. When a child or even a dog does something you are not happy about, pause and ask yourself if you are about to perform with finesse. And make no mistake about it, you are performing. You perform for everyone you interact with whether you believe it or not. You are on display and actions speak much LOUDER than words.
Finesse can be seen in the paperwork you hand in, the check you write, the wrong number call you receive, the coffee you buy, the interaction with the incompetent support person, the motorcycle coming down the road, the workout equipment you just finished with, etc. There are countless opportunities to stimulate and demonstrate finesse.
Lastly, finesse also encompasses the honesty factor. We tend to tell people what they want to hear instead of what we are really thinking or feeling. What a great opportunity to work on your finesse. Holding to the truth in the face of adversity, disagreement or the potential of hurting someone's feelings takes finesse to stay true to yourself while delicately embracing someone's feelings.
Why is finesse so important? Because it makes you feel better; it makes you a better person; it makes the experience of interacting with you pleasurable and it lays down your legacy and how you will be remembered.
Communicating with some finesse, character, and style will make you a better person and make the interactions with you more pleasant for everyone else, if not inspirational and educational. Every person has the same amount of time in a day. We can spend those precious moments reacting haphazardly and without the contemplation of what you are about to say, how you will say it or what you will do and how you will do it. It's easier said than done for yours truly, and that's exactly the point. For some, finesse is present and has been for a while. While for others it is something that is being actively worked on and consistently developed. And there are the countless many that have not considered it at all or have ever been approached with the concept.
How can you apply finesse in your life? Start with listening intently and then thinking before
you speak. When you approach the clerk at your regular convenience store, start with a sincere smile, make eye contact and sincerely ask how their day is going. Then tell him you are there to rob him. Just kidding. Unfortunately most people will respond with some sort of a negative response and that's their bag. Not yours. They will however feel different from the way you treated them. When a child or even a dog does something you are not happy about, pause and ask yourself if you are about to perform with finesse. And make no mistake about it, you are performing. You perform for everyone you interact with whether you believe it or not. You are on display and actions speak much LOUDER than words.
Finesse can be seen in the paperwork you hand in, the check you write, the wrong number call you receive, the coffee you buy, the interaction with the incompetent support person, the motorcycle coming down the road, the workout equipment you just finished with, etc. There are countless opportunities to stimulate and demonstrate finesse.
Lastly, finesse also encompasses the honesty factor. We tend to tell people what they want to hear instead of what we are really thinking or feeling. What a great opportunity to work on your finesse. Holding to the truth in the face of adversity, disagreement or the potential of hurting someone's feelings takes finesse to stay true to yourself while delicately embracing someone's feelings.
Why is finesse so important? Because it makes you feel better; it makes you a better person; it makes the experience of interacting with you pleasurable and it lays down your legacy and how you will be remembered.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Who looks you in the eye and says, “given your skills, you could do better…”
My friend Frank Clark shared this with me and it came by way of Keith Cunningham. While it is not my work, I felt obligated to share it.
We have to accept that becoming uncomfortable is not a nuisance, but a necessity to growth, excellence and success.
Who looks you in the eye and says, “given your skills, you could do better…”
One final question…if you’re insulating yourself from these conversations and challenges, who benefits?
We have to accept that becoming uncomfortable is not a nuisance, but a necessity to growth, excellence and success.
Who looks you in the eye and says, “given your skills, you could do better…”
- You are not using your strengths to really make a difference.”
- “What would happen if you committed your life to excellence?”
- ‘What are you waiting for?”
- “Could you set aside the fear and just go for it?”
- “Why can’t you do it faster?”
- “What are you afraid of, I know you’re holding back?”
- “You need to think bigger and step up your game?
One final question…if you’re insulating yourself from these conversations and challenges, who benefits?
Saturday, June 4, 2011
BIG Changes and even bigger Risks
I love big fat bodacious life changing decisions. These crossroads serve us in many capacities starting with the quintesential pinch we all we need at times to lift our heads above the tree line. They invigorate; call everything into question; make us dream again; allow us to ponder new possibilities and ultimately serve as monumental shifts in our lives. My favorite is when I meet someone in the middle of such a quandary. First, I feel honored to be brought into someone's life for coaching and mentoring on this subject. Second, I feel a sense of duty to others in the world to assist in any way I can. The fact is that most already know the decision they need or want to make. They often just need a nudge. Others may just need a new perception on the subject and others may need a whole new outlook on it. In any case, these types of events "usually" work out to be things we would NEVER trade an alternate outcome for. They end up being major shifts that lead us to where we are today, whether you are where you want to be or not. If however, you have made such decisions and grew to regret them, you can resign to the reality of it being a bad decision, but that would negate the lesson you inevitably learned from it in the first place. None-the-less, GIANT challenges, decisions, quandaries, dilemma's, etc., are in fact exciting and exhilarating. They demonstrate to me that life has really nothing to do with the destination and everything to do with the process by which we exist in the world each day, hour and moment at a time.
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